Quotes | Some quotes from Robert Benchley

Narasimhan Raghavan — Mon, 29 Sep 2003 18:33:00 +0000

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Topic: Quotes
Poster: Narasimhan Raghavan
Post title: Some quotes from Robert Benchley

Every boy between the ages of seven and seventy should own a dog.
A dog teaches a man perseverance, loyalty and to turn around three times before lying down.
Regards,
Narasimhan Raghavan

Quotes | LOL

mónica alfonso — Mon, 29 Sep 2003 16:42:00 +0000

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Topic: Quotes
Poster: mónica alfonso
Post title: LOL

[quote]Jack Doughty wrote:

and Miss Ogle-Smith (slightly acid, but should improve if laid down).

[/quote]

Quotes | Roses & clarets

Jack Doughty — Mon, 29 Sep 2003 15:52:00 +0000

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Topic: Quotes
Poster: Jack Doughty
Post title: Roses & clarets

The first one from Eleanor Roosevelt reminded me of this:

From a Leicestershire parish magazine:
Winners in the home-made claret section were Mrs. Davis (fruity, well-rounded), Mrs. Rayner (fine colour and full-bodied), and Miss Ogle-Smith (slightly acid, but should improve if laid down).

[Edited at 2003-09-29 18:33]

Quotes

mónica alfonso — Mon, 29 Sep 2003 12:56:00 +0000

Forum: Off topic
Topic: Quotes
Poster: mónica alfonso

I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was
Not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: "no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall".
Eleanor Roosevelt)

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending
and having the two as close together as possible.
George Burns)

Santa Claus has the right idea -- visit people only once a year.
(Victor Borge)

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
(Mark Twain)

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.
(Mark Twain)

My wife is a sex object -- every time I ask for sex, she objects.
(Les Dawson)

By all means marry: If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you
Get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
(Socrates)

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
(Groucho Marx)

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half
As good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
(Charlotte Whitton)

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech -- every now and then she
stops to breathe.
(Jimmy Durante)

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and
kindness, can be trained to do most things.
(Jilly Cooper)

I never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
(Zsa Zsa Gabor)

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food
groups: Alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
(Alex Levine)

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you
nothing. It was here first.
(Mark Twain)

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
(Ed Furgol)

Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant
form of misery.
(Spike Milligan)

I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the
position.
(Mark Twain)

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was 'shut up.'
(Joe Namath)

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased
to be anywhere.
(George Burns)

Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.
(Herbert Henry Asquith)

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie
about your age.
(Lucille Ball)

I don't feel old - I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for
my nap.
(Bob Hope)

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
(W.C. Fields)

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't
remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
(George Burns)

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.
(Woody Allen)

Some guy hit my fender the other day, and I said unto him "Be fruitful
and multiply." But not in those words . . . . . .
(Woody Allen)

If only God would give me some sign...a clear sign! Like making a large
deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
(Selections from the Allen Notebooks, New Yorker)

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your
children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain
control
of your estate.
(Woody Allen)

If you want to make GOD Laugh, tell him your future plans.
(Woody Allen)

Those are my principals, if you don't like them...... I have others."
(Groucho Marx)

Last week I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen.
I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that
statement.
(Mark Twain)

The first half of your life is ruined by your parents.
The second half by your kids.
(Loretta Young)

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Quotes | Some quotes from Robert Benchley

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